Except for the ones that me or my friends may have tried.
1) Don't put your head into the elevator doors.
2) Never jump in front of a moving vehicle (unless you're saving the pet/life of a hot chick)
3) Don't throw your bread at a goose. they chase you.
4) Jumping off of high building tops is never a good idea.
5) Don't light the rubbing alchohol on your finger on fire.
6) It's not a good idea to stop a hard flying object with your head (i.e. a rock)
7) Don't drink and drive
8) Don't smoke either
9) You probably shouldn't drink in general.
10) It hurts to stop a fan blade from spinning with your hand.
11) Don't grab an iron skillet fresh out of the oven.
12) Don't stab yourself.
13) Running with scissors is highly discouraged by all.
14) Never point a gun at anyone. Unless you intend to use it.
15) Don't count your chickens before they hatch...
16) Playing with fire is also discouraged. But if you know how, and don't hurt yourself (too bad) then it's ok.
17) Don't unscrew a light bulb while it is still on.
18) Never stick your head into any large carniverous animal's mouth.
19) Not recommended to drink poison.
20) Don't do drugs
21) Don't be like Michael Jackson.
22) Don't moon cops.
23) Don't race a cop.
24) Don't hit a cop.
25) In general, be nice to cops.
26) Don't try to cross the Atlantic in a canoe
27) Don't go into the bathroom of the opposite sex.
28) Don't cut your head off with a chainsaw.
29) Don't drown.
30) Don't kill anyone.
31) Don't steal anything.
32) You probably shouldn't kidnap anyone either.
33) Thou shalt not commit adultery
34) Thou shalt not covet.
35) Thou shalt not... etc.
36) You don't need to keep the Sabbath anymore though.
37) Don't marry someone of the same gender as yourself.
38) Don't stay at the beach for 4 hours without suntan lotion.
39) Don't lock your keys in the car.
40) Don't punch brick walls.
41) Don't stick your tongue to a pole in the cold.
42) Don't walk through the ghetto at night by yourself.
43) Never skydive w/o a parachute
44) Don't wrestle with an anaconda.
45) Don't skate on thin ice.
46) Don't arm wrestle that really strong guy.
47) Don't light your head on fire.
48) Don't drink rubbing alchohol.
49) Don't hit your finger with a hammer.
50) Don't drive with your eyes closed.
51) Don't drink gasoline.
52) Actually, it's not good to drink any sort of toxic, flammable liquid.
53) Don't run downhill in the dark and rain with you hands tied behind your back.
54) Don't drop the soap.
55) Never lower your eyes on an enemy.
56) Wise man said, "never pay full price for late pizza."
57) If you're in a horror film: never go up the stairs.
58) Never stick you hand in a dark creepy hole.
59) Never rig a camera's capacitor's leads to a couple wires and plug it into the dryer plug-in.
60) Don't cut off your hand.
61) Don't eat glue.
62) Don't believe unicorns are real.
63) Never practice your disc golf drives indoors.
64) Never stand in front of someone practicing their disc golf drives indoors.
65) Never go in those windowed elevators at the Opryland Hotel.
66) Don't drive on the wrong side of the road.
67) Never drive backwards down the road.
68) Don't take a turn fast when there's gravel & water on the road.
69) Never eat a flaming marshmellow.
70) Don't use electronics in the shower/bath.
71) Don't handle a jalapino and then mess with your contact.
72) Don't stick duct tape to your face if you haven't shaved.
73) Never hot glue your fingers together.
74) Never say "never" (I hate when people say that)
75) Don't make half-drunk people at a bowling alley angry.
76) Don't get struck by lightning.
77) Never drive your car off a cliff.
78) Never grab a live electrical wire.
79) Don't hit the fuse box in your house with a sledgehammer.
80) Don't hit your little brother (or sister) with a sledgehammer.
81) Don't get too close to the camels. They spit.
82) Never walk up to a group of lions wearing a large lion-head mask.
83) Don't get in a knife fight. No one wins in a knife fight.
84) Never stand on the top of a tall building in a lightning storm.
85) Don't grab a metal pipe in which many pyrotechnical experiments have taken place.
86) Don't stick your foot in your mouth.
87) Don't stick your hand in the garbage desposal.
88) Don't walk around bare-footed at the site of the breaking of a glass object.
89) Don't try running as hard as you can through a briar patch.
90) Actually, it's not recommended to try to get through a briar patch at all. Your best bet is to just go around.
91) Don't stay up all night trying to think of things not to do.
92) Don't be an enviromentalist, evolutionist, materialist, antagonist, humanist, etc.
93) Never let your mind wander when you've just seen a scary movie. This also applies to other times when you are alone and/or in the dark.
94) Don't listen to stupid people.
95) Don't spit into the wind.
96) Don't believe in all those old wives tales (i.e. the black cat thing, the walking under the ladder thing, etc.)
97) Don't burn your house down.
98) You probably shouldn't threaten a strangers life.
99) Don't chug a Sun Drop right after eating a package of Pop Rocks. It makes your stomach explode. No, really, it's happened.
100) Don't scratch a chalk-board with your fingernails. ugh that's an aweful sound.
101) And last but certainly not least: Never, ever eat a package of Sweet & Low straight. It does things to ya.
Well, I hope that these have been good advise for your everyday life.
~master skipper
4 comments:
Well, im glad somebody finally told me!
haha. i've been waiting til this moment to share my wisdom.
well. .thank you donald!! i never knew i shouldn't hit my siblings with sledgehammers! i've been doing it for YEARS! thanks for finally correcting me!
wow.....
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